


I'm Too Weak

by WinterJoy



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: AU, Felicity blames herself for the Undertaking, Felicity learns to fight, Felicity on Lian Yu, Gen, Guilt, Lian Yu, Oliver Queen & Felicity Smoak friendship, Oliver on Lian Yu, Oliver trains Felicity, post-Season 1
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-26
Updated: 2019-09-20
Packaged: 2020-03-17 14:37:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18967237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WinterJoy/pseuds/WinterJoy
Summary: Felicity blames herself for not stopping the Undertaking. She feels weak and helpless, so she heads to Lian Yu in search of the strength and skill that Oliver possesses.





	1. Devastation

**Author's Note:**

> Italics are thoughts.

Felicity shrieked as everything shook around her. The second earthquake device was going off, tearing down buildings and killing people. The lights flickered in the foundry and chunks fell from the ceiling, thankfully missing her. But from the screens of her monitors, where she could see the Glades via a satellite she had hacked into, she could see that hundreds of people had not been missed.

She activated her com with sob, crying softly as she informed first Lance, then Oliver, of the second machine and its damage.

As she stared, watching numbly while the city fell to pieces before her eyes, the only thought running through her mind was _this is my fault._

∞∞∞

Hours later, Felicity lay wide awake in her bed, staring at the ceiling.

 _Oliver did everything he could,_ Felicity thought to herself, _he never gave up, he never stopped fighting. He started his crusade, built the team, discovered the Undertaking, figured out where one of the devices was located, and killed Malcolm Merlyn. Oliver is strong._

John did his part too, Felicity pondered, _he was Oliver’s conscience; he protected his humanity, projected a voice of reason, and guarded Oliver’s back. He helped take down Merlyn tonight. John is strong._

Felicity turned to lay on her side, continuing her train of thought.

_Lance went above and beyond tonight. He put aside his vendetta against the Hood, risked his job to work with the vigilante team, traveled straight into the middle of the danger zone, and followed directions completely outside of his understanding to disable that earthquake machine. He saved half the Glades. Lance is strong._

_But what about me?_

Felicity grimaced, flipping onto her stomach and shoving her face into her pillow.

_I am the smart one. I am a literal genius. I was supposed to be the brains of the team. But I never even thought about there being a second device. It’s so simple; bad guy 101; but I never even considered it. I should have figured it out. I should have outsmarted him. Oliver, John, Lance; they trusted me. They all did their parts, but I failed at mine. All those people are dead because I was too weak. I failed them. I failed this city._

“I failed this city,” Felicity spoke out loud, raising her head off her pillow, “I FAILED THIS CITY!”

She broke down in sobs.

∞∞∞

As morning began to dawn, Felicity dried her red, swollen, sleepless eyes.

Crying wouldn’t bring back the dead. It wouldn’t turn back time or assuage her part in the destruction.

She determinedly shoved her tears down and locked them away. _No more weakness._

The question was, what did she do now?

_People died because I failed; because I was weak. Never again. No one else can die because of my weakness._

Felicity stood up, walking over to the wall. She braced her hands against it and leaned her forehead against the cool paint.

 _I can’t make myself get any smarter,_ she decided, _intelligence doesn’t work that way. But I obviously can’t be relied on to be the brains of the team. So, what can I do? What made Oliver, John and Lance able to succeed, when I failed?_

“What does Oliver have that I don’t?”

 _Experience,_ Felicity realized, _and stamina, wisdom, self-sacrifice, pain tolerance, and fighting skills. Strength. All of which he got on the Island._

Felicity tore herself away from the wall and started pacing rapidly across her bedroom floor.

_I need to get stronger, like Oliver. I can barely do 5 sit-ups, but he can do anything! If I could do what he can, then I would have something to fall back on when my brains fail me. If I can’t think, I could at least join the fight. I would still be able to help the team, even if they never want me behind a computer again—even if I never trust myself to be the thinker again._

Felicity stopped pacing abruptly, and swung around to closet, hastily pulling clothes on.

_If Lian Yu can turn a reckless playboy into a strong vigilante, then hopefully it can turn a nerdy IT girl into one too._


	2. Preparation

The automatic doors opened with a quiet whoosh as Felicity stepped into Starling City’s largest sporting goods store.

In the three days since the Undertaking, she had accomplished a lot.

She had bought a large stack of moving boxes and packed up everything in her apartment. All but the last couple of boxes, which she would fill and move tonight, were secured in a rental storage unit.

She had called her landlord and terminated her lease, paying the necessary fines for leaving early.

Felicity had also called her mother, informing Donna Smoak that “Yes Mom, I’m fine. I wasn’t hurt,” and, “I need to get out of town for a while. I’m going travelling overseas for a long while, so you might not hear from me. But don’t worry about me, I’ll be great.”

She had to endure a lot of squealing from Donna at her excitement that her workaholic daughter was finally taking a vacation, but she felt better knowing her Mom wouldn’t worry about her when she didn’t call her every 3 months like usual.

_Yeah, we really don’t get along anymore. At least she won’t miss me._

The official announcement that the death toll reached 503 people only spurred Felicity into faster action.

She quit her job at Queen Consolidated and booked a private flight plan that would end with her stranded on Lian Yu. (She needed the private planes so that she could take her about-to-be-purchased weapons with her. It cost an arm and a leg, but it wasn’t like she would need money again anytime soon.)

The first plane left in 24 hours, hence the reason she was now in the sporting goods store.

Felicity had spent hours doing research on survival basics. She had printed off and laminated satellite maps of Lian Yu, charts of edible plants, diagrams on skinning animals, and drawings of the best ways to stack wood in a fire.

She grabbed a cart and moved down the isles with purpose, filling the cart with the items on the list she had made.

Hiking backpack. One-person tent. Sleeping bag. Two pairs of cargo pants, two athletic shirts, a warm sweater. Long underwear. Running shoes. A rain jacket and rain pants. Deluxe first aid kit. Water filtration kit. Water bottles. Protein bars and dehydrated food. Matches. Rope. Twine. Binoculars. Fishhooks. A hatchet. A hunting knife. Throwing knives. A bow, quiver and arrows.

As Felicity held the bow, HER new bow, in her hand, she felt just a tiny bit less empty.

_Oliver uses his bow to save us all. One day, hopefully I, too, will be able to save people, and not fail them. Maybe one day I will be strong enough to come back._

∞∞∞

The last thing that Felicity had to do before boarding her flight was leave a message for the two most important people in her life—John and Oliver.

She had decided to mail them each a letter. That way they would get the message in time to not worry about her disappearance, but not soon enough that they could stop her from leaving.

_Not that they would be able to change my mind,_ Felicity allowed, _but it will be easier for us all if they don’t try. Assuming that they even want to see me again, that is._

She pushed her depressing thoughts away and set pen to paper:

Dear John

First, I want to say thank you for everything that you did and were for me these past few months. You are an amazing friend, and dare I say, surrogate big brother. Before I met you and Oliver, I had not been able to trust a man since I was a very little girl. You gave me something that I was desperate for, and never realized that I needed. Acceptance. Friendship. Purpose. Family.

I’m sorry that I failed. 

I should have found that second machine. That was my job, and I was too weak to do it. 

But you are strong, John. You are a hero. You are everything that Oliver and I both lean on. 

I’m leaving Starling City. I can’t stay to see the results of my mistakes, doing nothing to help. Hopefully one day I will be stronger. When that time comes, I will return. Then I will come home and help save this city that I failed.

As you can see, I’ve enclosed another letter within this one. Do not open it now. Open it a year from now. This is important John—open it in 1 year.

You are a good man, John Diggle. Never change.

Love Felicity

Felicity sighed, sealing the letter and a small envelope inside a larger one.

_John, you are everything a man should be. Everything a hero should be. I’m trusting you to get me home one day. I will miss you so much while I’m gone._

She slid the sealed envelope down the table and drew the other sheet of paper towards herself.

_What do I tell Oliver? I need to make sure he continues to be the hero that he is. The city needs him; his mother, Thea, Laurel; they all need him._

With a new wave of determination, Felicity started writing:

Dear Oliver

I’m glad you’re reading this. I was a little bit afraid you would throw it out without opening it when you saw who it was from; I mean, you have every right to be mad at me, but thank you for reading this anyway… and 3, 2, 1…

You changed my life for the better in so many ways, from the very first moment that you stepped into my cubicle. 

You trusted me. You gave me a goal; a purpose; something bigger than myself to be a part of. Someone to believe in. That had been missing from my life for a long time. 

I’m sorry that trust was misplaced. 

I’m sorry that I failed you. I failed this whole city when I didn’t discover the second machine. 

Please don’t put an arrow in me. I mean, I deserve one, but I want the chance to make it better instead of dying; plus that would really hurt and I don’t do well with pain and 3, 2, 1…

I’m leaving Starling City. I hope to one day be strong like you. If that day comes, I will return; and if you can find it in your heart to forgive me and give me another chance, then I will help you keep saving the city. 

You are a hero, Oliver; a good man. You are the strongest person that I have ever met, and you are a saviour to this city. 

Keep fighting.

Love Felicity

Felicity gathered up the letters and headed to the post office.

Time to move on.


	3. Destination

“What do you mean I have to swim?!” Felicity shouted.

The float plane that had brought her the last leg of her journey to Lian Yu had just landed in the water a couple dozen yards offshore from the island.

“It too shallow here to go close,” the pilot bellowed over the sound of the engine, “not have enough fuel to search landing place. Must swim.”

Felicity groaned.

_Well, I guess the whole getting tough thing starts now. I hope it’s not too cold._

She shouldered her backpack, stepped down onto the pontoon, jumped into the water…

…and promptly sank.

_I’m sinking I’m sinking ahhhhhh!!!!!!!!!_

Her foot pushed off the bottom and she was able to make it back to the surface. Felicity gasped air, treading water frantically. Her backpack was pulling her down. She went to grab onto the plane, but it was already pulling away with a roar.

_Son of a monkey! He couldn’t even wait 10 seconds. I’m gonna drown before I even arrive!_

Felicity slipped under the water again. Pushing against the bottom for a second time, she fought her way back to the surface. This time she came up facing the island.

_I’ve got to make it to the island. Go, Smoak, go! You wanted to get strong; so you SWIM!!!_

With one determined stroke after another, and several mouthfuls of water later, Felicity finally crawled onto the rocky beach. She flopped down exhausted, feet still in the water.

_I’m alive. I made it. I actually made it. Well Smoak, you might have a chance after all. But I am never swimming with a backpack again._

Felicity rested on the beach for a few more minutes, just catching her breath and calming her heart rate.

Then with a huff she sat up and took in her surroundings.

_So this is it. Oliver’s home for 5 years, and mine for the foreseeable future. Lots of rocks and trees, I guess. I wonder if he landed right here? Will I find a lifeboat on a beach or—no, he probably took that apart to use for something. That would be the smart thing to do. Ok, focus. Head in the game, Smoak._

Felicity opened her backpack and ruffled through its contents.

With a groan, she sat back on her heels and closed her eyes for a moment.

_Of course everything is wet. That’s what happens when you get in the ocean. So much for changing into dry clothes._

Felicity pulled out the map of the island, thanking her stars that she had the foresight to laminate it.

After 5 frustrating minutes, Felicity had to concede that she had no idea where she was. She just couldn’t see any landmarks for reference. She would have to forget about that nice little spot that she had picked out on the map back in Starling and find somewhere else, at least until she got her bearings.

_I want to camp by a stream so that I have a fresh water source. Water runs downhill, so all streams should lead to the ocean. I just need to pick a direction and stay on the shore till I find a stream._

With a goal in mind, Felicity picked up her bag and set one foot in front of the other. Unbeknownst to her, each step was taking her farther from the fuselage that Oliver had called home for so long.

∞∞∞

3 hours later, Felicity had finally found a stream.

She was tired, sore, and dirty from the trips and falls she had with the uneven ground, but she was proud of herself for making it.

Setting her backpack down, she stopped to rest.

_The first step is done. I found a stream. Now I just need to follow it up until I find a space to set up my tent._

_I see how Oliver got strong being here—there’s a lot of rough terrain; running all over this would make running in the city seem easier. I wonder how soon I will be able to do that._

Felicity pulled a couple of protein bars and a water bottle out of her backpack and took a sip.

_Once I finish this bottle I can use the water filtration kit and fill it again from this stream. I don’t want to risk drinking the water without cleaning it first. I mean, I guess it can’t be too bad, since Oliver seems fine, but that doesn’t seem like a necessary risk to take._

Finishing her food, Felicity re-shouldered her backpack and headed upstream.

She walked for over an hour, but the forest was thick the whole way. She quickly got more and more frustrated as she failed to find a clearing. The sun was setting, the temperature lowering, and she still hadn’t found a place to set up for the night. A rustling in some bushes had Felicity whipping her head around, body tensed.

_What was that? Was it an animal? Are there wolves here? Bears? What do I do?_

When nothing else stirred for a minute, Felicity finally allowed herself to move again. She quickly dug into her bag and pulled out two knives. Another rustle had her holding the knives in front of her defensively. Looking up, Felicity noticed that the tree branches were swaying a little.

_Just the wind. Sheesh I’m jumpy. Then again, it could be wind and an animal. I really don’t think I can wrestle a bear. I won’t last 10 seconds. My tent won’t be any protection from that. Not that I can even find flat ground. Is this entire island rocks and trees? I never realized how underrated grass is… and 3, 2, 1… You have to think, Smoak._

Felicity spent her first night on Lian Yu awake in a tree, bow in hand, listening to the noises of the night.


	4. Adaptation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Felicity adapts to life on Lian Yu.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am now on Twitter! Find me: @WinterJoy4

***Lian Yu, Day 3***

Felicity woke in her tent with a burst of excitement. As much as she desperately missed coffee, the intrigue to get stronger; faster; braver pushed her on more than caffeine would.

Yesterday, after a couple more hours of walking inland, she had found a clearing in which to pitch her tent and set up camp, about a ten-minute walk in from the stream.

It had taken some zigzagging away from the stream to find, but in hindsight, Felicity was happy to not be right on the water. Something that she had heard in a movie somewhere about being less likely to run into larger animals.

Eating a granola bar for breakfast, Felicity pondered how to proceed.

_Here we go! The first fully open day on the island. What should I do now?_

_Let’s see. I need to learn archery, and knife throwing, and build up my stamina and speed, and somehow learn to fight. Plus, I should fish, and scope out the terrain and wildlife so I can hunt when my aim improves._

_I really want to try out my new bow. Archery first it is._

Felicity strapped on her quiver, picked up her bow, and walked a few steps away from her tent. She stopped about 15 paces away from the largest tree that she could see.

_Okay, here I go. First, grab an arrow._

It took her 3 tries, but she managed to pull the arrow out of the quiver.

“Huh. That’s harder than it looks.”

_Anyway. Notch the arrow on the string; draw back; release!_

The arrow hit the ground a few feet short of the tree.

_Looks like I need to practice—it’s okay, that’s what I’m here for! I have lots of time to work on this. Oliver must have been pretty terrible when he was starting, too._

Felicity emptied her quiver 5 times before she returned her weapons to the tent.

_So that’s archery. Stamina next, I guess. But I really need to not get lost. I guess I will jog to the river and back a few times; I can make sure I know the route well, and I can’t get too lost in that distance._

With her mind made up, she took off towards the river.

Felicity rapidly ran out of breath with her jogging, but she knew she had to push herself. Even though she had to walk a lot of the way, she kept herself moving between the river and the camp for over an hour, learning the landmarks thoroughly, even when she moved a few yards farther to the side each time.

_I may not be much of an outdoorsy person, at least not before this week, but even I know that you shouldn’t beat down a path to your door._

Sitting down to rest, Felicity ate a snack pack for lunch. She was tired, but happy.

She spent the afternoon fishing (though she didn’t catch anything in the river) and studying the edible plant charts that she had printed off.

It took her a while to fall asleep that night due to excitement and adrenaline, but eventually her eyes slipped shut.

 

***Lian Yu, Day 8***

Felicity woke up in her tent cold, wet, tired, sore, in pain, hungry, and scared.

A hailstorm in the night had punctured a number of holes in her tent; the following rain was the reason she was now damp and shivering. That, combined with her aching muscles from training and throbbing hands and knees from a fall while jogging, resulted in her sleep deprivation.

Her training was progressing much slower than Felicity had expected. After almost a week of hard work, she could only hit the big tree with an arrow every other shot from 20 paces away. She didn’t mean hit a target on the tree either—her arrows embedded all over the trunk. Yet even still, she was way better with her bow than with throwing knives.

Needless to say, Felicity wasn’t skilled enough to go hunting yet. She had only managed to catch a couple fish in all her days of trying. This meant her only sources of food were a few leaves and berries she had found that matched edible species on her plant charts, and the decreasing supply of energy bars in her backpack.

If she ate the bare minimum, Felicity figured she had three weeks of food left. Three weeks to drastically improve her aim. Three weeks until she began to starve to death.

Felicity pushed herself out of her sleeping bag. She wasn’t going to die. She didn’t want to; she didn’t deserve to.

_I failed to save the Glades. No way can I give up and fail here. I need to get strong like Oliver so I can make up for all those people I failed._

Tying her shoes, Felicity shook her limbs and took off into a light jog. Back and forth to the river. Around the camp in ever-widening circles, slowly learning the terrain. Her stamina was still very low, but she pressed on, walking when she couldn’t jog anymore, then forcing herself into a run for awhile.

_I can do this. I have to do this._

After a couple hours of jogging, as best as she could measure time by the sun, she finally allowed herself to drink water and eat a lone granola bar.

_Don’t think about how hungry you are, Smoak. Just focus on what you need to do. Or wait. Should I be focusing on how hungry I am, and using that as motivation to train so I don’t, you know, starve to death? Which is the best strategy? I mean… 3, 2, 1… Either way Smoak, pick up your quiver and practice._

Felicity spent the next couple hours practicing archery and knife throwing, before spending the afternoon foraging for berries, and the evening fishing. As the sun began to set, she fell into her sleeping bag, exhausted.

_Eight days done. So many more to go._

Felicity slept so deeply that she didn’t hear the sound of a plane swooping over the other side of the island, quietly releasing a lone figure with a parachute down to the ground.

***Lian Yu, Day 32***

Felicity woke up as she did every morning now; wishing for coffee and a toothbrush, but otherwise mostly settled into island life.

_I’ve been here a whole month now._

 She emerged from her tent to go on her daily run. She could run now, instead of only jogging. Jogging was the break that walking used to be. When her muscles grew strained, instead of stopping, Felicity would practice balancing on fallen logs or climbing trees to view the terrain. She spent the better part of each morning running, staying warm in the cool of the morning.

She knew the terrain within a half-hour jog from her campsite well. She didn’t need a map to navigate within that boundary.

_I’ll probably start venturing farther out soon; I’m starting to have both the stamina and the means to protect myself. Plus of course the ability to make it back without being hopelessly lost._

Indeed, Felicity’s skill with her bow had markedly improved.

After her jog, Felicity allowed herself to eat one of her very few remaining protein bars before grabbing her bow and quiver out of her tent and heading over to the target tree to practice until the sun hit its zenith.

After a month of practice, at 20 paces back every arrow hit the tree, and most hit one of the few 2-3 inch wide targets that she had carved into its bark.

_I guess now I should start practicing at different distances, angles, and heights. A few more days and hopefully I can start trying to hunt! Just in time, too._

_I haven’t seen any animals here that are bigger than a rabbit. I’m not sure how I feel about that. On one hand, I like that I don’t have any predators to contend with; I really don’t want to worry about being hunted by a wolf or a bear or something. On the other hand, it would be easier to have bigger food sources. Oh well, it’s not like I have a fridge to store meat in anyway._

With archery practice completed for the day, Felicity headed off to forage for any edible plants or berries that she could find for “lunch”.

When she got back to camp in the late afternoon she would practice her knife throwing. She had improved, though not as much as in archery. At 20 paces she could usually hit somewhere on the tree, yes, but it was a pretty big tree. Plus, she hadn’t figured out yet how to make sure that it was the blade of the knife that actually hit the target.

 _I think I’ll rely on archery for safety and food for now, at least_.

After knife throwing, she would try push ups, sit ups, chin ups, and every other kind of strength exercise that she could remember.

When evening came, Felicity would head down to the river to catch and cook fish for supper. She had learned that the evening was the best time to catch fish, and that knowledge had probably turned out to be a literal lifesaver.

_Gutting fish becomes way less gross when it’s do or die._

As the sun set, she would fall into bed to catch some rest before repeating the same routine the next day.

“Stronger each sunset,” Felicity spoke aloud, “I’m getting stronger each day”.

_Hopefully it will be enough._


	5. Confrontation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Felicity finds out that she is not alone on Lian Yu and has a heated conversation with the person she encounters.

***Lian Yu, Day 62***

Felicity took steady, even breaths as she methodically scanned the forest floor from her perch several feet up in a tree.

After two full months on the island, hunting had become part of her daily routine.

She had the most success shooting rabbits, though Felicity had managed some pheasants and even a couple of squirrels.

Nevertheless, rabbits presented the biggest target, and seemed least likely to notice the quiet sound of an arrow releasing towards them.

She had travelled farther than usual from her camp while hunting today, in an attempt to not let the native wildlife predict and avoid her hunting patterns.

_I’m not sure if these critters are smart enough for that, but I’d rather stay on the safe side._

Felicity shifted on her perch in the tree, ensuring that she was stable and still had use of both hands.

Ahead of her, a rabbit hopped into view.

Felicity slowly drew back her bow string, arrow already notched, and calmly aimed the weapon.

With one last breath, she released.

Her fuchsia arrow pierced the side of the rabbit—at the same time that a black-and-white fletched arrow embedded itself in the rabbit’s hind leg.

Felicity spun to the right, frantically drawing another arrow and aiming it at where the shot had seemed to come from.

_What in the world???_

She struggled to keep her breathing under control as she scanned the forest for the intruder, suddenly hyper-aware of the throwing knives that she had strapped to her legs.

_This place is supposed to be deserted! Who else is here?_

Several minutes passed, but Felicity refused to relax. As much as she was tempted to believe that she had imagined things, that second arrow in the rabbit was proof that she was not alone.

There.

A rustle.

Felicity shot at the leaf that she had seen shake, then almost fell out of the tree as she dove behind its trunk, yelping as an arrow nicked her arm.

_Ow, ow, be quiet hang on be quiet ow ow what if I have to fight I’m not ready oh no oh no…_

With audible footsteps, the other archer hurried towards Felicity’s position.

As he came close to her, Felicity hurled a knife at him on instinct, but he easily avoided it.

He was standing beneath the tree now, and as he saw her, he lowered his bow in astonishment.

“Felicity?!?”

_Oliver._

_Oliver??!!?_

Felicity stood up in the tree, bleeding cut forgotten.

“Oliver, what in tarnation are you doing here?” Felicity asked in what was bordering on her loud voice.

She used the height advantage that the tree gave her as she lectured him.

“What possessed you to track me down here? I was very clear that you stay in Starling and keep fighting there. And I know that I asked you to NOT put an arrow in me. I can’t make amends if I’m dead!”

“Aren’t you afraid of heights?” Oliver asked with a puzzled look on his face.

“Seriously?!? That’s the first thing you’re going to say?”

“When we infiltrated Merlin Global this spring, you said that you were afraid of heights,” Oliver recounted, “so why are you up in a tree?”

_Of course he would remember that. He remembers everything. Huh. I wonder if I’ll have stellar memory after a few more months here. If I live that long. Did he come here to kill me? But why would he be asking me about trees—_

“Felicity?”

“Because heights are way less scary than starving to death, okay?” Felicity yelled at him. She lowered her voice before speaking again, “the more important question is: are you here to kill me?”

“What? No, never Felicity,” Oliver stated strongly, “I would never ever hurt you. Why would you think that?”

“But you kill people who fail the city. I failed the city. Why else would you track me down here, bow and quiver in hand?”

Felicity’s knuckles whitened as she gripped the tree branch.

Oliver looked down at his bow, then tossed it away as far as he could, before unbuckling his quiver and throwing it too. He took a step closer to the tree.

“Felicity,” Oliver pleaded, “I promise that I will never kill you, no matter what you do. I never want to hurt you. Please believe me.”

“But what about ‘you have failed this city?’” Felicity imitated in a gruff voice.

“I came here because I failed the city; I failed Tommy; I failed my father,” Oliver admitted, dropping his eyes and shaking his head, “hundreds of people died because I couldn’t save them. I’m here, because it’s the only place that I deserve to be.”

“No, Oliver,” Felicity retorted, finally climbing down from the tree to stand in front of him, “hundreds of people died because _I_ wasn’t strong enough to save them. _You_ are the reason that hundreds, maybe thousands of people are still alive. You should be in Starling City, fighting as a hero for your people. I am the one who should be here; and I am.”

“What are you talking about?” Oliver asked incredulously.

“I didn’t find the second earthquake machine. I was the one with access to the Merlyn Global servers. I was the one with a genius level IQ. I was the brains of the team; I should have figured out there was a second machine. That was my responsibility and I failed. Hundreds of people are dead because I was weak. It is my fault.”

“Oh Felicity,” Oliver intoned, stepping closer and shaking his head, “no, no never. You _saved_ hundreds of lives. You figured out where the first device was. You got it disabled. None of this was ever your responsibility. Stopping the Undertaking was my mission; my Father’s dying wish. I failed. Those hundreds of lives lost—including Tommy— are on my head. What good did I do? You saved lives, you and Diggle. Starling; my family; they are better off without me there.”

Felicity closed the gap between them and jabbed his chest with her finger.

“Oliver Queen, you are an idiot. It stopped being your mission a months ago. It was ours. Yours, mine, and Dig’s. You do not get to take the blame for me.”

“Felicity,” Oliver tried unsuccessfully to interject.

“Oh for the love of—did you even read the letter I sent you?” Felicity asked, exasperated, stepping back and putting space between them again.

“What letter?”

“I sent you and Dig letters the day before I left. You have got to learn to check your mail, mister.”

“Felicity, I’ve been here for almost 2 months. I haven’t been around to read any mail.”

Felicity gaped at him.

“Almost 2 months?”

“Yes. Why? I’ve spent far longer here.”

“Oliver, I’ve been here for 2 months.”

“You’ve _what_?!”

“I’ve been here for 2 full months. I left 4 days after the Undertaking. What?” she scoffed, “did you think I learned how to use a bow overnight? No one can learn archery in a day. It took me weeks before I could start trying to hunt.”

“You’ve been here. Alone. For 2 months?”

“Yes, I think I made that pretty clear.”

“But you’re alive.”

Felicity stared at him.

“How did you not starve? Or break a leg or get an infection or get kidnapped?”

“Oliver, if a billionaire playboy could survive on this island, then a genius IT girl can too.”

“Yes, but I was never alone.”

“You weren’t? Right, well that makes more sense, I guess. But I’ve been doing fine on my own; though does it count as being on my own since you were actually here most of the time? I didn’t see you, so I’m going to say it counts.”

“Felicity.” Oliver gently stopped her ramble.

“Right, sorry. I haven’t had anyone to babble to in a while. Anyway, I’m fine. I brought supplies, and I had trained myself enough to hunt by the time my food ran out.”

_Barely, but he doesn’t need to know that._

“So,” Felicity organized her thoughts, “you are here because you think that Starling City is better off without you.”

“Yes.”

“How long are you staying?”

“…I don’t know. Forever?”

“Seriously, Oliver? What good does that do?”

“It means that I can’t hurt anyone. But how can you judge me for that when you are here for the same reason?”

“I am NOT here for the same reason as you.”

“I thought you came here to punish yourself for the Undertaking.” Oliver clarified, confused.

“No. Nothing I can do will change what happened.” Felicity told him. “Punishing myself wouldn’t help anyone. I came here to train; to get stronger, so that I can go back to Starling and make a difference. If I can save enough people, then I’ll have made the best amends that I can.”

“Felicity, your power is your brain. You save people with computers. There is no technology here; how are you training?”

_Does he seriously not see the quiver and knife strapped to me?_

Felicity held up the bow that she was somehow still holding and shot Oliver a look.

“My brains failed. My computers weren’t enough. I can’t get smarter, but I can get stronger. I was hoping that if this island could turn a playboy into a hero, it could turn me into one too.”

“You’re trying to become me?”

“Not _become_ you; you brood way too much, mister. I’m trying to fight and shoot like you.”

“Felicity, you are the last person in the world who should be on this island. But as long as you are here, I can teach you to fight.”

“Really?”

“Yes. Horrible things happen here all the time. You need to be ready.”

“Alright. But you don’t get to coddle me. I came here to be strong, not taken care of.”

“Fine. And Felicity?”

“Yes?”

Oliver looked at her with a sudden twinkle in his eye.

“I did learn archery in a day.”

**Author's Note:**

> Comments appreciated!
> 
> This is my first multi-chapter fic, so I welcome first impressions and kind suggestions.


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